Happy Holidays and Heathens Greetings!

It is the Holiday Season of 2009, a year that will go down in my life as a major challenge and very, very humbling personally. Difficulty is inevitable in life and yet suffering is truly optional. I would like to have less experience with suffering, especially that which results from my own judgement. Having a belief system that there is a purpose for all of this bliss mixed with everyday monotony and challenge is what makes life meaningful for me. I know that some people disagree with me about a divine purpose and are very vocal about their views. I want to stand for mine, a hope and a belief in a loving God.

There are billboards in Las Vegas this Christmas season that say, "Heathens Greetings!" and "Yes Virginia.....there is no God!" The second one was taken down after several complaints from those who believe and live with hope. By the some who do not believe, these are surely looked upon as "the gullible". How would one feel to be a child and read that there is no God? Especially if your family version of truth is based in a loving and redeeming relationship with deity. In America, the first amendment gives all persons the right to speak and share their thoughts. That is a great right and yet often it gets ridiculous! Why would someone spend the money to make a statement such as "Heathens Greetings!" I would probably just shut up and not pay to be looked at as an agitator. I would rather be quiet than an arrogant agitator, one who shares my beliefs that are counter to the spirit of the populace during the holiday season.. In the middle east, a counter religious statement would mean a head cut off or worse. Oh, oh our first amendment gives all the voices equal say and yet some just seem to portray a message of what they are- miserable.

Doubt is popular, belief in God is almost looked down at in scientific circles. The atheism movement is gaining momentum and I don't blame people who are confused. If there is no God, why should they care. There are fewer crowds for Sunday brunch. A bumper sticker I saw said, "Science flies people to space, religion flies people into buildings!" I recognize fanatics of all types. Religion is uncomfortable for many in our society. The magicians, Penn and Teller are vocal about the "foolishness" of those who believe in God. They deal with illusion and they use their celebrity status to push their beliefs on audiences? Performers?Speak with your dollar and show them how you feel. Belief and personal faith is under assault in America and worldwide. A person's faith is personal and deserves respect from others. Some are annoying and others just double their speed when they do not know where they are going.

I believe in God. I do not fear God, for I love God. I know that I will have plenty to be accountable for and that is my business. We all owe God a death and will face our moment of truth. I am puzzled by the concept hell and the lake of fire and brimstone. Brimstone when superheated, burns from the inside out, leaving a carbon shell. Sort of like a personal recognition of wrongdoing and a burn from the inside out. I will certainly feel sorrow for knowing I was not what I could have been. I will know God and his son, Jesus Christ- for they knew me first. I was created in their image.

Seasons greetings and enjoy your faith and hope in a savior, in redemption and being with family forever. The concepts make sense to me and I claim to have only seen glimpses of perfection in my life. In the eyes of several disabled children and adults. The glimpse of the eye that tells me a perfect spirit resides within the body and will be glorified and redeemed. It gives me knowledge and belief of a larger picture of life. As for me, I believe in Christ. As for the the billboards, they are sending a message that to my core makes no sense. Make a stand for peace and the positive in your lives. Share your gifts because we are given earthly and spiritual gifts and talents. Give to those in need, be charitable with no strings attached. I am blessed and in spite of challenges and imperfection, I look forward to 2010 and a Happy New Year.

Serving Those Less Fortunate

I believe that the greatest things in the world are not things, they are relationships and friendships that we form and nurture. When I went to work today and drove in the dark to Flamingo Surgical Center I had the feeling I was in for a tough morning. Not so much hard work as dealing with parents with sad histories and tragic stories.

My first patient was a 15 year old with a sad, sad syndrome that make her severely developmentally delayed and blind. She speaks Serbian and has no way to know why she would need to go to sleep in an OR and wake up with pain in her mouth. Her mouth is diseased and she live with pain and severe bleeding from he inflamed gums. Her father is an immigrant and her mother was abducted and had her head cut off. All because of who she was and what she believed. I held her closely as she breathed the inhaled gas that puts her to sleep. I opened her mouth after anesthesia was ready and saw a mess. One created by many years of her not ever allowing anyone to brush her teeth or gums. It was beyond sad what I saw and I slowly worked through the problems and saw why she was in pain. Teeth were removed and two big abscesses were drained. It was a case that I needed a shower when I was done. I felt dirty, I was dirty and yet full of love for this young lady. I knew she was going to suffer from teeth being removed and gums trimmed down. It was bloody and the odor was beyond belief. I had the opportunity to serve an angel today.

I finished and took her to recovery. I explained post operative instructions to her father through an interpreter. I saw a weathered man who looked much older than he really is, a man who wished he had a daughter that could be educated and married. Instead he got to be a single dad in a foreign country with a life long challenge in his daughter. I felt and saw his emotion as she was awakening and he shook my hand for a long time and said thank you. He smiled with teeth that were not good and yet I saw a blessed man. A man who has freedom and a man who knows love on a level that many do not learn. A disabled daughter that needs full time care- he knows how to be the caregiver of an angel, trapped in a body that does not work perfectly.

My next patient was a child with a full mouth of decayed baby teeth and parents that many would never, ever give the time of day. They are hard working folks that do not have skills that many would feel are necessary for success. I took several teeth out of this boy and crowned several teeth with stainless steel crowns, it was all I could do for him. A chunky kid with carrot red hair and rotten teeth. He went to recovery and I met with mom and dad, they were kind and relieved. Much different than they had been last week when they showed up having fed the child and the procedure had to be cancelled. General anesthesia has to occur on an empty stomach. He ate chicken and drank milk. Dad was extremely angry and had released a few words at me that were not mature. Thankfully I had met people like him before and educated him, he did leave a bit mad but came to the office to apologize, no longer mad. Today he was apologetic and gracious. A different man. A man I liked and a family that I wished the best for in the future. I know life is hard for them and I hope I made a positive impact for them.

Two kids, nothing truly exciting for the average dentist. A challenge, an opportunity and all in a days work for thousands of pediatric dentists that treat and love disabled kids and unskilled families. I am glad I accept Medicaid, many don't and say the patients never show up and are difficult. I have always been more excited to care for a van load of migrant children than a child with his mother in a Mercedes and a tennis dress. I had two fully insured patients today and left he surgical center knowing for sure I had made an impact for the better. I learned about not judging people. I learned about change that comes from calm and solid education, I realized how blessed I really am in my life.

Normal for me is different. I have to coax and educate and sedate children daily. Normal for most dentists is the desire to run the Nordstrom practice and do veneers and have perfect patients. Nobody truly gets the perfect world. Many talk about how good it is and how well they are doing. In 2009 it has become cool to talk about how sad and down the practices are due to the economy. I choose to not participate in the recession. I choose to work and teach and love those who walk through my doors. I am honored to serve, and I believe that work is the best cure for anxiety. If life finds me down I only have to think of the children with dental and social and maturity challenges that I am honored to serve. I also feel better, my worries and problems are different. Only different and yet real problems. Who am I? I am a man who went home feeling well, feeling like I made a difference- for the unseen, underserved and perfect souls in bodies that are never perfect. They do deserve the best care and to be treated with love and dignity. They deserve quality and kindness for sure. It was a successful day and it felt so, so good. Count your blessing if you have healthy kids and understand that we are one accident from total dependence on others, disability or death. Live each day-truly live and show gratitude, it is the true key to abundant living. Serving who I see daily is wonderful. Normal for me is just how I like it. I can't see me doing anything else. I am blessed- beyond measure. An now time for a hot shower. Happy Holidays!

Major Ed Caraveo

It is odd how tragic events occur and we often accept the big picture as what it is and do not pay attention to the fine details. Tonight I was on a web site and ran across a tribute to the fallen in the Fort Hood Shooting incident on November 5th 2009. I scrolled through the names and one name of a fallen soldier jumped out at me and grabbed my heart in a sad and shocking way.

Libardo Eduardo Caraveo, Major US Army Reserve- murdered by a fanatic at a Soldier Readiness Station at Fort Hood, Texas. Ed was my roommate for two weeks in July of 2009. We attended Captains Career Course for the Army at Trinity University in San Antonio, Texas and roomed together. Both majors and we have last names that end in "C". We shared a dual dorm room and a bathroom and were with several other excellent soldiers.

We walked in the evenings, studied together for exams and ate many meals together. He was a bright man with a mature insight into life. I very much enjoyed his company and his focus on what mattered. He spoke of his service at Guantanamo Bay and how much he missed his beautiful wife. He told me he was going to be deployed in the fall. I never dreamed to where. He was laid to rest in Arlington Cemetery with full military honors.

I cannot imagine the stress of losing a loved one as a soldier, especially in such a random act of violence. I often thought of what would occur if I died in my two deployments to Iraq. Flying at night over Baghdad looking out the back of a Chinook with a gunner and the city light below. I resigned myself that one stinger missile and I could be gone. I knew my life was often in the hands of fate and that my soul belonged to a loving God who would welcome me home with open arms. Sitting in my trailer on FOB Echo with mortars hitting regularly was another of those times when it was not in my control whether I was lucky or not. When it is our time, it is our time. I resolved that dying in uniform, for a noble cause-even if it is repairing teeth of foreign soldiers was good enough. Once the fear of death subsides-then living is easier and then one tends to worry about those who struggle with what is happening. Ed was the man to volunteer to make people feel better. I am sure he would have made a difference in Afghanistan or Iraq. He made a difference in two weeks with me and was a most pleasant man.

God bless you Major Caraveo- and bless your family too. Your life is an example of courage and strength. I only wish I had paid attention to your loss sooner. It was opportunity to understand more deeply the loss of a great man sooner and pay my respects.

Every saint has a past.....

I once heard the statement that "every saint has a past and every sinner has a future." I believe that those words are true and that the meaning for us is to be cautious regarding judgement and recognize that pride and arrogance will not serve us well. I have had many chances to observe people in my life and career. I am amazed at how often I am completely wrong about my first judgements regarding people. If we were less self absorbed and would listen to others in an authentic fashion, we would find that everyone wants to be treated with dignity and kindness.

I believe in redemption. I love stories where a person steps up and comes through to do something amazing. James Braddock in "Cinderella Man", an awesome film, a more amazing story. A story of sacrifice and redemption. When he goes to the welfare office and pays back what he used when in need- I am amazed. I feel that recognizing that people are teachable and redeemable is important for all of us to realize. I saw a mother today in the office who adopted a 14 month old child. She has wanted to be a mother for a long, long time. She has adopted this child for three weeks and she was beaming. I could see and feel the happiness-everyone could in the office. I hope she finds joy in her life as a mother. Hopefully she has brought a desire in her life to fruition. It is good for her and the baby. Redemption and fulfillment glowed from her smile.

I write in my journal regularly and a line that is commonly written this past year has been; "I hope I never forget how I feel at this time in my life." In a new city with a new practice, in a near economic disaster also known as the 2009 Vegas economy. I am proud to be standing and have my practice growing. I am proud to see medicaid patients and go to the ER's at night to see kids in pain. I gladly will do the dirty work to build my practice and serve all comers. If I can keep my energy and educate my patients- I will build a super practice. I am building a super practice and work with great people. I will never stop taking medicaid. Who needs care? The kids need care and I have never met a child that chose their parents dental insurance. I know that life is challenging for most people, including me. Just a man, just a father, just a soldier. I can build or I can be sarcastic and judgmental. Which one of those will serve me the best? Which is more skillful and christlike? I know the answer and now if I can remember who I really am and forgive myself and others. My life will be truly blessed. I have a past and I am not a saint- I know also that I control my future. It is truly up to me!

Choosing How to Respond to Unplanned Events

As I sat in a two hour traffic jam last night I had an amazing experience. I was driving from SLC to Las Vegas after a stop to see my son in St. George. It was dark , windy and cold on I-15 when traffic stopped dead, all lanes. After a few moments I watched as people got out and looked ahead and then began to ask others what was happening. I had no idea what or where but I knew there was no alternative route to my house. I knew I was waiting as long as it would take. I had a feeling like I was in a sci-fi movie as the lights turned off and the interstate was a parking lot in the dark.

Some Air Force guys were tossing a football and then actually hit some golf balls on the desert. They took photos and laughed. I wondered who in the jam might be out of gas, need a restroom or miss their show in Vegas. I called my brother- he checked the internet and said there was nothing showing on the traffic reports. After thirty minutes I was glad I had heated seats and a good book. I turned the XM radio from techno to classical music, as I consciously decided not to get angry or wound up. I know people who would be miserable sitting for even two minutes or would be swearing about being in the wrong place at the wrong time. Often the glass is not half full or half empty, to some it is half full of the wrong damned thing. Sometimes a chance to have a sit and some time to ponder uncertainty is not a bad thing. We can learn by being mindful of how we feel and act in such circumstances.

I knew I was going to get home late, but I knew I could sleep a bit later in the morning if needed. It was not so bad-just strange. We are used to driving as fast as we can and getting where we want to be unimpeded. I continued to read and breathe deeply. After a while I saw tow trucks and I figured it really was an accident. After about two hours- the lights began to flicker on in the distance. I finally kept the trend going and started the truck. It was like doing the wave in a stadium. I was finally moving-barely moving. Another 20 minutes of idling slowly I could see police lights and a major accident scene. Police cars, fire trucks and a scene that earlier must have been total chaos.

What I saw as I came up to the scene was a car in the middle of the right lane, burned to the frame. No tires, doors gone-just a shell. I saw another car that had rolled over, sitting on its top, off the road. It was an awful scene. I rolled past and found myself feeling emotional about the view. I wondered about the five W's- who, what, where, when and why? I hoped that the people in the cars were not hurt badly. I have to believe that people were badly injured or killed. I hope lives were not lost by trauma or fire. I felt an upwelling of compassion for the victims and the responders. The sadness must have been amazing-compounded by cold and isolation. If I had come on the scene could I have helped? I hope that compassionate people stopped and assisted those in need. This accident happened in a bad spot-waiting 30 minutes or more to put out a fire or get emergency medical care- just awful. As I rolled away, I silently prayed for those who had their lives changed last night.

As I pulled onto the off ramp in Vegas and pulled into my garage I was tired and did not unload my truck. I walked in, turned up the heat and went to bed. I was still thinking about who was affected in the accident and how badly. I wondered how families and lives changed. I was glad I did not get a call saying my child was injured or worse. We all owe God a death-I know that. But my comfort comes in knowing that God has a purpose for all of us and we are redeemable. My mental comfort came as I lay between cold sheets, and I fully realized and was aware that staying calm and compassionate to the needs of others was and always is a good thing. Always bad news for those in the accident. Compassion is always good for my soul. It is important to stay calm and be mindful of the suffering of others. I could not change the outcome of the accident scene I witnessed last night. I could control how I handled my thoughts and my responses. I could also control my feelings for those who suffered. A small lesson for some-a huge lesson for me.

May all on the earth seek peace and calm for their souls. May we practice patience and lovingkindness to others, even those we do not know. It may be us causing the traffic jam and how would we want to be treated in our time of great need.

When I Know Life is Good

I am a blessed man, I have a great job and great children. I also know that some times are more difficult than others. I have always lived with a belief that it is "better to die on my feet, than live on my knees." I work hard to be focused on my patients and career and yet I recognize where I am unskilled. I find that often I am hard on myself and do not look at where I am strong and valuable.

I talk with people daily and share encouragement and health advice. I love working with young families and taking kids through treatment in a kind manner. I think I am good at my profession.

I also know that I am not the finest accountant, teacher or son. I am focused on improvement and realize that in my mid-forties my chances of change are dwindling. BUT, I am not out, I am not a quitter and I am capable of change. I am committed to quality reading, learning and personal development. I will never give up on the process of learning.

Tomorrow I leave for SLC to be the keynote speaker for a dental conference for about 200 dentists. I have ten hours to share and teach and put my practice philosophy into meaningful nuggets that can be taken home to dental practices to change the way kids receive treatment.

I am amazed at the offer from the DREA and my friends to hear from me. I have something to say and it is about compassion and non-judgement, kindness and love. It is about seeing families and children as they are and as they can be. Children can be great and incredible-and treated with respect they assist with making a career great and a life worth waking up and going to work with a smile.

The greatest things in life are not things. They are relationships, encounters, when a spark of greatness is recognized. It is the gleam of the eye of the disabled child- it is when perfection is witnessed. I will need God to be patient with me as I muddle through fearful or unpredictable times. I know I have a good thing going, I have great employees and wonderful friends. I have what I need to succeed in life. the question is can I simply be happy with that knowledge or will pride get a hold on me- I want simple, compassionate and focused life. I think I have a grip on it and a focus that makes me feel good and calm. Positive change is still possible, it always will be unless we give up. No way am I giving up-don't you!