I love Salt Lake City

As I sat with my screen door open on a quiet Sunday in late November, I was checking out the news from Salt Lake on the web. It was snowing in SLC and I was in Las Vegas. I would love to sit by a fire and watch the flakes drop and stack up outside. I would love to see the Wasatch Mountains when the storm passes- they are truly beautiful. I then turned on ESPN for Sportscenter and the major league soccer championship game was being played in Seattle. Real Salt Lake vs. David Beckham and the LA Galaxy.. It was in the final seconds before going to penalty kicks. I was proud it was "a game," knowing how hard Real Salt Lake has played. When the final kick was done, Real Salt lake had won-and my Salt Lake pride was full. I am not a big soccer fan-but I was tonight. This win will be good for Salt Lake and for the team.

I grew up in SLC. I went to the University of Utah and then left for Virginia Commonwealth University and on to University of Iowa. I answered a lot of questions about Utah and being a mormon. Many acted like they could not understand why anyone would live in Utah. I knew why and badly missed the Provo River brown trout and early morning skiing. I missed the sense of community and the excellent medical care. I missed hunting and cycling in the mountains and I missed my Dad.

I live in Las vegas and do not know my neighbors. I live in Vegas and feel a stranger in a strange land. People here are pretty much from somewhere else and often treat others poorly. Don't get me wrong, there are tons of quality people here, I am looking to meet them all. I finally found a doctor- they say if you want the best healthcare in Vegas- you go to McCarran Airport.

I love that Vegas is a 24 hour town, I love that SLC is not. I really have been happy wherever I have lived and yet I smile when the Runnin' Utes are winning or the Jazz do well.

Vegas is where I live- Salt Lake is my home. I have heard that every Utahn has an inferiority complex and they always apologize about why they live in SLC. I hear that the reason California will not fall into the Pacific Ocean is because Utah sucks so bad. I disagree. I think conservative religion has a role. But I also know that every saint has a past, and every sinner has a future. I try to be a saint and I live in Sin City-but SLC is wonderful and snowy and upbeat and educated and has a sense of community-as well as a symphony and Opera Company. I do get back to SLC often and yet look forward to good years in Vegas. I will ride my motorcycle and barbecue outside this week-oh yeah and I won't have to shovel six inches of warmth to get out of my driveway.

I am proud to be a Utah Man- a Ute fan and yet I enjoy teaching at UNLV and love our residents. I am not home tonight but it doesn't mean that my mind doesn't wish to hear the crunch of snow under my feet and see the frosted place I am proud to be from-Salt Lake City, UTAH.

BASF

There is a TV commercial, usually on Sunday morning news programs for a company called BASF. Their slug line is "we don't make things, we make them better". I realize that seems obscure and odd and yet it is what they do-make things better. As I ponder those people in my life that represent the best of the best, the ones who don't make my life, they make it better, I am amazed at who and how others show up for me. I do believe that God blesses us most often through other mindful people. I also understand that being grateful to those who step up and show love and support is important. If we look closely we will see those who love us up close and those who love and pray for us from a distance. I can appreciate all who observe and have input in my life and for sure, those who make it better.

My dad, a gentle and simple man. He will never read this blog, he doesn't go for computers. He is a man who never pushes his way and yet is often focused on being charitable to those in need. he shows kindness to his family members that would tax me. That has been his modus operandi for decades. He may not know what I do day by day-yet I am stronger having had him to love and serve. He does not impose his will, he speaks simple truth and he is a man of faith. BASF.

Denny- BASF- I think there are few more committed souls on this planet who focus on improving everything they touch. She improved my office and managed it well for six years. And when I went to Iraq the first time she ran the practice, with many fine volunteers. The second time I went she did it again and took my 17 year old son into her home and family. And on top of it all she forgave my reckless behavior and words. Words and behavior that needed repentance.

Frustration and sadness can lead one to make bad choices-I did and my lessons were clear and I became a better man. Because of kindness and forgiveness from Denny, a woman who speaks the truth to my heart- BASF- She doesn't make me, she makes me better.

Examples and more examples- long suffering and working through chronic illness or hard times. We never know to what degree we can influence the lives of others, unless we mindfully seek to be kind and compassionate. I watch my friend Vince as his mind slips a bit more monthly away into Alzheimer's Disease. He has been good to me and he is his family's biggest fan. I am amazed at the indignity of aging, illness and loss of function that he is going through. I thank and honor his friendship-a BASF guy. He will be served and loved by a BASF family and a wonderful wife. What trials shall come, we do not know. I am sure that he will be loved and served as he has loved and served.

We often worry far too much about how things look in our lives. What the person drives or where they go to church. How about we focus on how it all feels. Why don't we cut to the heart of the matter and live what feels good and correct for us. When in survival mode in life-how it feels is all that matters. SO, when we get the chance to BASF someone else-tell them how they make you feel, make them feel better and richer for having known you today. We do not have to make the day, we should simply make it better. BASF!

Fear

I am always amazed by how we can worry about things and they never come to pass. I am also one who has to constantly keep my life in order to avoid reckless living and thus eliminate most of my worry. I am reminded of a story, I think told by Jack Kornfield, my favorite Buddhist writer. It goes as follows-A monk was on a long journey by himself and he came to a swollen, raging river. After thinking the situation out, he built a strong raft and crossed the river. He got to the other side and rested from the crossing. After his rest he picked up the raft and began on his journey with the raft on his back. The wood was heavy and waterlogged. His progress through the countryside slowed and he had to rest often from exhaustion. Eventually he collapsed and died of exhaustion with the raft on his back. The monk had no map with him and just had basic provisions to get to his destination. He died of exhaustion with a raft on his back-for fear that he would need to cross another flooded river. He did not even know if there was another river to cross.

When we cling to things we get burned, when we let go we are free. The monk let his fear of crossing another river take him down. We all face our raging rivers and many we have to cross alone. Can we let go of what we worry about and cannot see and go lightly on our journey? Can we apply skills that allow us to understand that we can build another raft or there will be a bridge ahead- rather than die of exhaustion from being burdened. I know that conflict and major challenges await. I can take a breath and face them head on or I can worry, bury my head in the sand or cling to what makes me happy- it might just be exhaustion from toting my rafts of worry. Suffering is optional in life-easy to understand and so, so much harder to apply.

Lucky Man

Veterans Day 2009- I am honored to be a combat veteran. To even be in the company of true warriors putting it all on the line. I am impressed when I meet a young soldier and the family that sends them away to fight enemies, foreign and in the US. I wish these young soldiers understood the price of a salute. When I am saluted by a soldier, I do not think of how glamourous it is to be an officer. I think of the fact that I owe him or her quality leadership, kindness and total commitment to making their career as a soldier the best I can make it. I will serve them with all I have and will never leave a fallen comrade. I will teach them, fight for them and kill for them if necessary. That is my job as a leader.

I am humbled that Israeli military officers take their oath at Masada. The symbolism is amazing as they know they will never back down or cower in the mission in which they are assigned. I see quality in our military, I see a respect for others, for country and to God. I love my experience in Iraq, I got own to what really mattered in my life. Not a big mortgage or Mercedes, it is about serving, accountability and protecting the soldiers in our command. As well as showing that we are honorable and paying attention to what matters. That lesson is not ever going to be lost on me-I am a changed man- for the better.

Every man dies eventually, few men live!- Wm Wallace. I don't know when my time is up, but I do know I have lived. I stepped into a place that makes many uncomfortable, twice. I know what hell looks like, I have been there. I would go again without hesitation! I will go to the edge of my comfort zone because that is where life truly begins. Being a soldier is not easy, but it is a joy. This is why I am honored to be a veteran. I am an American soldier!

I met a homeless young man named Alonzo today. He bounces from house to house and lives with friemds and relatives. He did not graduate from high school and he had a job at Dominos Pizza at one time. He is covered with tattoos and is eighteen years old. He just might scare some people with his appearance. He has had three teeth aching for several weeks-keeping him up at night. Ice packs, Ibuprofen day after day to stop suffering, To all who might look at him and judge, most would be completely wrong-at least today.

I got the call from a physician who Alonzo's aunt works for and Alonzo entered my office a half hour later. I took x-rays and examined a mouth that has been neglected for sure. The x-rays showed the problem areas and he was in agonizing pain. I consulted with Jeff, my oral surgeon neighbor. Luckily Alonzo had not eaten and was healthy to be sedated.
Twenty minutes later Alonzo was under IV sedation and had his infected teeth out. Jeff went on to other things and as Alonzo was waking he was crying. A proud 18 year old needs to be cool, no crying, however people do it all the time waking up from sedation or surgery. He said the tears were tears of joy. Tears of joy as he had suffered badly for a long time. I told him to send Jeff a note of thanks and out the door he went. Saying thanks to everyone he saw.

I know Jeff did not get paid for this, it cost him money and time. Thanks Jeff. Alonzo's aunt has sent us many patients in the last year. Thanks for the patients that keep my practice healthy. As Alonzo left, face streaming with tears of joy. I thought about the difference between tears of joy vs. tears of sadness. I believe that tears of joy and gratitude are far more cleansing than tears of sadness. If gratitude is the key to abundant living, the majority of our tears should be in thanks, to God, to friends, family and to those who step aside to be of kindness to others.....like Alonzo.

Noises

I am often so plugged in to the media that there is seldom quiet in my life. At 5:30 am-1.079 FM rocks into my ear and usually only plays a song or two. I shut it off in order to turn on the morning TV news. I am a news junkie for several reasons. Politics, crime, technology and two wars always make me interested to see the headlines. I remember watching the Columbine footage, the 9/11 event I was in the operating room for eight hours and yet rushed to the recovery room to see what was new. During these moments I am glued to the TV. How many of you remember Baby Jessica? I think she is a mom by now. I also think that some massive change will certaily be historical and I need to be there to witness it. That Sully Sullenberger, who laid the plane in the river-how can I not think him a total stud.

I listen to XM radio in the truck to work, no commercials from classical to techno-depending on my mood and how much wake up the caffeine gave me. At work I check the schedule on computer and then listen to Pandora radio or 101.9 FM from Salt Lake City over the web. Sometimes there is music on in the office and it has to be loud enough to drown out the TV in the waiting room.Oh, I forgot Fox news, CNN or ESPN in my personal office as I answer phones or make notes to my self.

At lunch I eat at the computer and check up on the news. I am amazed at how crime occurs and how people can be so cruel to others. So much misery, it is amazing any of us get along.

When patients are done I complete my clinical notes to alternative music streaming in my speakers. Should a 45 year old love the Foo Fighters as much as I do? To my truck and more XM radio. I love XM and will never be without it if possible. I take back streets and don't care about traffic. I love to boom the concertos of Rossini and Mozart. The classics calm my soul and ease my grip on the wheel. A massage would be perfect after work-ahh, the new age music is soothing that they play.

Back home, dinner and TV news or sports rule the evening. I may read or review email but I seldom sit in the quiet when I get home from work. MASH reruns, travel channel in Kraplakistan......I'll watch. Bed by 11:00pm, the local news starts at 11:oopm in Las vegas and I cannot sleep without knowing what is happening, good or bad. I set my alarm and push sleep mode on my TV remote, Conan O'Brien starts at 11:30 and I can't miss his monologue. I seldom get through the first half hour of Conan and drift off to sleep, my earpiece to my police scanner ready to go in one ear if insomnia shows up. White noise-relaxing with the possibility of a cool car chase or crazy event. The fade to black rolls in and it seems only like seconds and the alarm rocks loudly and it is time to start the cycle again. Only tonight I wake up in the middle of the night and realize I am dreaming that I am totally overstimulated.

The Bhuddists are so correct about the power of thought in a quiet and calm mind. I have to fight the noise in my life. I have to work daily for quiet moments in my life. Little kids rule in the office all day long, loud noise and rattling of toys, as well as endless parental conversation and teaching should make me crave quiet and calm. I think some of us are afraid of the quiet. Afraid of not knowing the newest breaking news. I love to sneak outside at lunch with a book, sit in the sun or the car and read. I love to read and enjoy the stage of my imagination, rather than the big or small screen. I'm reading around 400 pages a week. Really, devouring books-not novels, non-fiction about history and people of quality. In fact, I think it is time to turn off the TV and go read......in silence. If I can shut off my racing mind.