Parents and Children

I work all day with children. As a Pediatric Dentist I meet all kind of children and parents. Some kids are little and some are much larger than I am. Some scream and others are calm and stoic. I take each patient encounter as a new challenge and seek to stay out of judgement. Honestly, I seldom look at my own parenting and wonder what will become of my own kids. Brian and Amy are good kids and I have had few problems with them. The highlight of my life was the birth process and the love that grew as infants for them that has not died down. If I had to grade my parenting I would probably not be very happy. I have made many efforts that were a stretch and seem truly selfless for them. I am nowhere near perfect! I smile when I see photos of them in the waves in Maui, the grand canal in Venice or in New York City. They are my legacy and I wish them well in their journey. I love them.

I found this piece about parenting and thought I would share it.

" If I had my Child to Raise Over Again"- by Diane Loomans

If I had my child to raise over again,

I would finger paint more and point the finger less.

I would do less correcting,

and more connecting.

I would take my eye off my watch,

and watch with my eyes.

I would care to know less,

and know to care more.

I would take more hikes,

and fly more kites.

I would stop playing serious,

and seriously play.

I would run through more fields,

and gaze at more stars.

I would do more hugging,

and far less tugging.

I would be firm less often,

and affirm much more.

I would build self-esteem first,

and build on the house later.

I would teach less about the love of power,

and teach more about the power of love.

My kids are a definite work in progress. I can look at them now and guide them when they let me. As adults I must allow them to think for themselves. My influence is limited by school and popularity. I am very comfortable in my place right now. I look at the little ones in my life daily and more often than not, I silently pray for them to have calm and peace. Some have little chance-based on the social situation alone. After 17 years of seeing kids grow and parents live their lives, the great thing is the number of times I have been happily suprised to see children succeed beyond my dreams. The sweetness of success is a constant reminder that the power of the mind is endless. Never stop believing that good things can occur. That concept that great people can come from all circumstances is the best part of my job!

My Frustration with the World

As I watch the daily news, some ideas are never adequately addressed and must be on every thinking persons mind. I honestly do not know which biased news organization to believe. I know why the press is stepping carefully, there are some items that nobody wants to talk about. They don't want political or religious retribution.

I know one thing for sure. We need to get out of Afghanistan! It is not a winnable conflict and unless we are willing to go to lengths that the Russians and British would not go, we should stop. What do we do with the hellhole and it's stone age inhabitants with a victory anyway?Bring the troops home and stop spending billions of dollars on this conflict. The people of Afghanistan can fight each other. The Taliban can move on and they can work out their problems. The smart Afghanis left the country years ago. In fact the whole Islamic world can continue to be a Wasps nest of fanaticism and chaos. We can come home and let us take care of ourselves and reward quality citizens and countries that seek peace. Why bomb Libya? Why not cross over into Pakistan and do some real damage? Why, why, why?

Fundamental Islam is spreading. Islam is THE problem of the century! If you take away the internet, the news channels, and oil- they fall back to primitive and uneducated followers of a violent political idealogy/religion. Why are they the only religion blowing stuff up- over and over and over. If some Catholics of Baptists even blew up one bus or flew one plane into a building the world would be shocked. The fact is nearly all killing in the name of "God" is from Islam. IF you want to see the scorecard loop up the website titled "The Religion of Peace". I am not saying all Islamic people are wicked. If you support honor killing, you are just screwed in the head! Most people want all of the same things- peace, shelter, family and love. The recipe for fundamentalism however is present and any discouraged person can take a one way trip to paradise. And take several innocent people with them. Seventy-two virgins? Really?

The treatment of women in this world still amazes me as well. Why do so many see women as second class? Women are wonderful and deserve the same rights for being human as any man. I wonder how this planet would be if the women ruled and men worked to make the whole planet better. I think we all need to act locally at improving the planet. When we tell our children that one religion is the ONLY truth and we cannot take criticism. We are set up to have fanatical behavior. My definition of a fanatic is a person who doubles their speed when they do not know where they are going.

The world cannot accept calculated wasting of human lives. Read the book entitled "Murder City" by Charles Bowden. It will blow your mind and you will see how twisted the "truth" can become. In Ciudad Juarez, Mexico murder and silent terror is the only way of life. It is truly tragic when killing and death fog the streets of once a large and wonderful city. Corruption is on all sides and truth becomes the first major casualty of war. We hear the news and it is always biased, whether Fox or CNN- one has to sort out the nuggets of reality and see if we can believe it. We need to be educated and understand that our world is changing and changing fast. Sharia law cannot be allowed to dictate the behavior of a subset of Islamic Americans. It doesn't work and if you don't like it go home. Go back to your" hard to find a book and an air conditioner" place you came from and then look objectively at America. Our constitution is hanging and really stretched. It becomes a problem when a religion becomes a powerful and deceitful political party. The US constitution must be defended and supported. If one portion changes for Islam, what else changes?

Seek peace in your own world, within your own homes. There is a time to take a stand and I am at that point and well beyond. I want change! I want congressional term limits and I want my fellow soldiers home! I look forward to a time when every knee will bow and every tongue confess that Jesus Chr"ist is Lord and Savior. I also know there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth in "Craplakistan and in the rest of the Islamic world. Islam is the major problem on planet earth. Just ask the Japanese how much looting they had after the earthquake- zero! They respect themselves and their countrymen. Islamic persons would steal the place blind. Tell me I am lying! Take a look and live. Stop blowing people up! In fact stop the threats-grow up!

Wonderful American Samoa

I seldom find myself speechless. This past week I have been speechless many times. I am in American Samoa providing dental care for the good soldiers of the U. S. Army Reserve. I knew Samoa would be tropical and beautiful. My expectations have been more than exceeded. On this small island in the South Pacific, I found myself pondering just how diverse this planet really is. Looking at the globe, I am on a speck of an island in the south pacific and the vast ocean is on every side. This idea makes this place feel a bit isolated and at the mercy of the sea if nature gets angry. Especially when the largest earthquake ever to occur in Japan occurs and the tsunami warnings are very, very real. These people respect the power of the oceans and the earth. The natural beauty has been incredible. The food has been far above expectations in freshness and in portions. For a Las Vegas resident the humidity is refreshing and the rainstorms breathtaking.

The most incredible part of this experience is the people. Strong and quiet, truly noble people. I see the Samoan soldiers who went to Iraq and lost at least ten soldiers in combat- ten warrior brothers gone! Many more were wounded and scarred from stepping into a hell that I know well. I have observed these people from a limited distance and I am fascinated and honored to serve their soldiers as well as be a quest on the island. There was one bean counter who came to push "Army Efficiency" and his arrogance was mind blowing . I had been told that Samoa had an amazing blowhole. It is a hole in the rock, at a spot where water spouts 60 feet high when the tide is right. I did not know the Samoan blowhole had such competition. Otherwise the mission has been a great success. General Chang had a great vision to assist the care of these men and women. The soldiers are great patients to work with from the standpoint of this dentist. The smallest service has been appreciated and the kindness as well as gratitude has been beyond my vision until experienced.

Part of me could leave the news, politics and American insanity-and just dump it all for island life. The other part knows I will still go home and never stop traveling or dreaming. I will tke home stories and sights that humble me. I spoke in depth with a soldier who was injured with an IED in Iraq. He told me about when they were hit. He checked on his guys and one was dying and had his lower body blown apart and lost his life. This strong soldier provided care to the wounded as well as returning home injured. Sgt A's life will never be the same. He accompanied his fallen comrade home to his family in Samoa for burial. Noble and final for the dead with no time to say goodbye. Time to rebuild and cherish life for the living.

I get some time to search and snorkel this week and I will take photos by the dozens. I sat in a isolated lagoon and in the dark watched the waves crash. I felt the Samoan waves wash away my stress and sadness. I was speechless and emotional at my fortune to be here with my brother Scott and friends.

Samoa is not perfect, no place ever is. But to judge or mock would be foolish without further investigation. I have respect for men who will take a pot and water to the beach and get the food from the ocean. They brought no other food and we ate crab and lobster in the dark. That was faith in a true sense. I was optimistic- they knew. I will cherish my stay. I will never forget the spirit of these noble and wonderful people.

On to the Japan earthquake aftermath. I cannot imagine the plight of those great people. The disaster is still unfolding as I type. The tsunami warning has been lifted in Samoa. The island closed on Friday and most stayed away from the water. They got hit by a tsunami in 2009. They respect the power of the ocean. We were hit with a surge but not damaging. I guess this has been a week of ups and downs. I will now sleep after a wonderful barbeque and snorkeling in perfect water. In Heaven-also known as American Samoa.

Thanksgiving: The day before Black friday

As I ponder the upcoming holidays I am always amazed at what we actually celebrate and how we do it. Take Easter, a great reason for Christians to celebrate the Resurrection Of Christ. But then where exactly did the easter bunny come from? I think you get where I am going here. The true meanings of holidays get skewed by humans and their quirks. I, personally have always loved Thanksgiving! As a holiday, the concept seemed correct, wonderful and tasty to me. The time to spend time with family and friends and then eat like a pig and watch football. It may disappoint some of you, but feel it is a perfect concept for a holiday. Gratitude and food! Thanks and giving, the perfect reasons to celebrate! If the Detroit Lions would start winning games it might make it slightly better. Not knowing that the football game on TV is over in the first five minutes.

Holiday expectations cause people to do all kinds of things to get to the turkey dinner- fly, drive and take days off work and school (for a turkey dinner). I see the lines of people getting felt up by TSA employees to get home on the news and I am glad to be in my chair. I do feel that the pull and enjoyment of being with others is the true positive of Thanksgiving. What? A holiday focused on gratitude and family- has the government of the United States lost its mind? Take one other holiday for example. Columbus Day is surely a farce- he discovered the Island of Hispanola, known today as Haiti and the Dominican Republic. Why would we celebrate that? If Columbus truly "discovered: America- how do the thousands who were already here feel about that? The legacy of "Manifest Destiny" and the wholesale destruction of the American Indian is regrettable and still the terrible question. WHY? ARROGANCE AND RELIGION-THAT'S WHY. We all need to seek to understand history so that we do not repeat it. Ignorance is comfortable for many of us and yet the Pilgrims did no good for the indigenous peoples of the Americas. What are they thankful for? Annexation, reservations and demonization as a people? Were they savages or a civilization that had survived for centuries doing just fine on their own? Wounded knee was a massacre and yet 25 U.S. Soldiers received the Medal of Honor for killing 338 people who would not stop dancing the "ghost dance" in hope of a messiah to rescue their people. Pilgrims? Manifest destiny?

I look at the "truth" according to how I was raised and realize that we all know shades of the truth. We may be completely incorrect. The internet gives instant information and yet is it true information? I will bet that the Indians were not that happy to have the first Thanksgiving with the Pilgrims. They had everything to lose. We still portray the first holiday as a cooperative dinner- I will bet the concept is fantasy or close to it.

We should eat, we should meet and Okay- watch football. We also need a reason to make pumpkin pie once a year. I would suggest that we seek to act correctly toward all people we encounter. DO seek to know the lessons of history and DO seek to be better than previous generations. Seek to be compassionate and show gratitude. If you don't see family and friends face to face this season, get on the phone and tell people they are loved or forgiven-do not wait to be thankful for all you have. Gratitude is a good reason to celebrate even if the history that gives the backstory is fantasy! Look on any street, in any school or hospital and you can see far more difficult challenges than you face -be thankful it isn't you-today. Go Lions! Stay warm in the Target parking lot tonight- I will be asleep from my overeating!

The Ritual of October

October- my favorite month of the year! From the cool temperatures to the World Series, I love the fall. Every fall, I looked forward to the college football season and back to school, but mostly I loved to go hunting with my dad. Western mule deer hunting with Dick Cheever was a sight to see. He would load the old tent and sleeping bags and with a wry smile on his face load the truck with food and supplies. It was his time-his time to tell the old stories and get away from everything. As an adult I never have understood why he was willing to take kids with him. We could not keep quiet for one minute and there was not a chance of sleep the night before opening day.

I was a gatherer of firewood and my dad was the fire starter. He would drag a tree into the fire pit and dump white gas on the wood- in a Merlin the Wizard like move, he would toss the match and we had a flash and a roaring campfire.

After a dinner of canned chili and apples it was time for the gas pains and the stories-the never ending deer hunting stories. The one about the deer that was killed with my dad's pants around his ankles, the time he shot the huge buck and it had infection from porcupine quills and the time he prayed for the chance to shoot a buck. I remember the story about the time a mountain lion killed a doe by the tents in the night, it made me take pause after dark. Oh, and how I loved to hear about guns. The one sad tale was of the family that went hunting in the early 50's and a young man shot his brother in law through the lungs high in the thick pines. He mistook his movement for a deer. My uncle George, a well traveled WWII veteran took the dead man out on his horse. He had seen enough death and never packed a gun again.

I watched my dad drive through a creek bed after a blizzard and his red truck was spinning and made a huge splash and finally the truck was on the right side of the creek. I then knew we would not be stuck in the snowstorm- I truly felt safe with my dad.

I had the chance to take him to Colorado on a elk hunt when he was well into his 70's. He stood proudly holding his new 7mm Mag I bought him for the trip. I was honored to take him and he went along with all of the practical jokes. He always had his favorite foods with him and if he has eaten one tin of Kippered Snacks he has eaten a thousand. I am now sure that every deer in the county could smell the fish in oil when his tin lid cracked open. He did not care, he was a free man and wearing his red or orange sweatshirt and sitting on the saddle, a favorite place to lay back and glass the hillside. He was never a wealthy man but he was happy when hunting deer.

I learned at the hand of a master. I learned from a man of kindness and willingness for a youngster to take a shot first. He was willing to take family, friends and coworkers with him hunting deer. He grew a set of white whiskers and was a master with his 270- he built it and put a custom barrel on it. His brother brought the 8mm Mauser off a dead German soldier between Normandy and surrender of the Germans. It was his tool-deer hunting was his passion and like an artists brush, he used a 270 with a Swastika symbol engraved on the action.

If he was not successful he was content. As long as he saw a few or someone in the party got a deer he was good. He seemed even happier when one of his kids got a deer. I learned a great deal about my father from our October pilgrimage to Dairy Fork- our hunting spot for generations. I learned of his family, his mission and his love of God. He seldom complained and was generous and kind to those he brought hunting. We kids fought with each other and made way too much noise and he was gentle with his correction. I now sit in Las Vegas and wish I could go hunting just one more time with my father- Richard Cheever.

I will hunt many times in my life-but no more with my father. He is 83 years old and slowly losing his memory as the confusion of old age threatens his independence. He will not shoot a deer or pheasant again. I will make sure he gets out target shooting and I will throw as many clay pidgeons as he can shoot at. I do not have kids that like to hunt. I get to do that on my time. I also get to write down and focus on my October memories of the deer hunt. As the undignified loss of memory slides upon my dad I hope to be clear with my gratitude for his love, teaching and kindness every fall. He has been a gentle, simple man who lived for the fall ritual. He was funny, alive and honestly at his best- each October-on the deer hunt.

Power and How People Handle It

I recently returned from one week of testing dentists in Dallas, Texas. The oral board exam is two hours of tough questions for practicing Pediatric Dentists to become board certified. I am always amazed at the smart candidates and how many are willing to pay the price to reach the goal of board certification. The examiners are volunteers and are all successful in their profession. The thing that amazes me is how power goes to the heads of some of the examiners, who have all the answers to the exam in front of them.

When in a position to judge, we should be gentle and not assume anything about who we test. They may have English as a second or third language. They may have been in practice for twenty years or had a weak academic residency. When a blank stare follows my question I always restate the question. If they do not know I ask an easier question to assess the candidates basic knowledge of the subject. Then I move forward as the answers get clearer and stronger. I see smart people who let nerves get the best of them and some just do not show up for the test. They pay a good sum and travel far to take the exam and I am sure it is intimidating to face examiners.

I tested with man kind and gentle examiners and then I got "Bob". He asked every sharp question and cut off the interviewee in the middle of sentences. If the candidate was thinking he would immediately move on. I know I need to think and it takes time to go through the files in my brain. In fact, my brain is like an iceberg-it can only hold so many penguins. I watched Bob act so smart and "show that idiot" how much they did not prepare for the board. I was sick for the young lady who got him as an examiner. Even if she was not prepared-she deserved to be treated with respect and kindness. She was not the enemy-she was a colleague.

I have no interest in knowing Bob. He can be as smart as he wants. None of us are perfect. WHen I got home from Dallas, my power was out. There was the bill-with a check and a stamp. I called and paid by phone but the power did not come on that night. I had a flashlight and read and was hot as could be. As I laid in the dark I thought this must be what hell must be like. Dark, hot and mostly my fault. I did not want the lesson but I got it. I also found out I was not that smart.

All of us will be arrogant at times. We will all be incompetent at certain things. I am a believer that fair and kind behavior will ease our lives as well as those we come in contact with. Sarcasm and smug behavior seldom has a payoff. Compassion will always pay off in our lives. Bob can be Bob- based on my interaction he is an arrogant jackass and should not be an examiner. I would hope he will reevaluate his methods or be relieved as an examiner. When we are given power-any power we should be cautious and act as if we hold a sacred trust. Pimping a candidate is not fair or good form.

Redempton

I am a true lover of stories of where a person overcomes obstacles and self-doubt to gain success and a calm mind. I love the concept of redemption. I hope that each of you will see Russell Crowe portray James J. Braddock, in the film "Cinderella Man." A great and emotional film where he suffers badly to care for his family during the depression and nearly loses all. He finally gets his chance, a long, long chance to fight again. He comes back to win his fight against the arrogant, young German champion, Max Baer. He won against overwhelming odds- and I love this kind of story. Unless, I am the one with the odds stacked against me. At the end of the fight he wins not only for himself , but for every suffering soul. I freely let the tears flow. They flow because I love the idea of the underdog stepping up into a moment in time and exceeding the overwhelming predictions. Gaining redemption, dignity and saying goodbye to self doubt. This fight was a life changing event, an important point in a life where a loss could tip into pain, hunger or total loss of dignity.

In Great Britian the homeless are called "unfortunates" by many. In these economic times I see many unfortunates on the streets of Las Vegas. Every corner has a guy with a sign. In homes there are many people who are silently and secretly suffering. They are unfortunate with the current economy and job market. The TV commercials are almost unbearable here- dirty political ads, lawyers to handle your bankruptcy and charlatans seeking to cash in on the collective community pain. I know many who will file bankruptcy, lose homes and lose faith in themselves and others in the near future. I feel for them and of course I feel sorry for myself-times are tough.

I believe that so many suffer from depression and self doubt in these crazy times that they lose perspective. Depression is a cruel mistress and is often obvious to others and not to the sufferer. It is real and it is damaging to our souls. I know that we are here to embrace the moments of true joy in our lives. I know that pain is what allows us to understand happiness. We need balance.

Thank goodness for kind friends who seek to know and act-intervene on behalf of those in need. We all need a friend. When I see my true friends that show up for my family and seek my well being, I know I am blessed. If more people in this world could be so blessed.

If we want others to be happy- be compassionate! If we want to be happy-be compassionate! That is the advice of the Dali Lama and it must include compassion for ourselves. We must allow ourselves to make errors and be accountable for our errors. That will assist us to keep us balanced in life.

Next time you see a great success- be genuinely happy for the lucky soul. Respect their journey and effort-be a cheerleader for the positive and the good. Next time an acquaintance fails- be gentle, be genuine and show compassion. Tommy Lasorda, long time manager of the Los Angeles Dodgers stated, "80% of people do not care about your problems, the other 20% are glad that you have got them!" Find yourself in the minority-care! Embrace the success stories and forgive the failures. There is not perfection in any living person yet we are all redeemable. That concept must never, ever be forgotten.

Redemption-what a concept-what a story!