Thanksgiving: The day before Black friday

As I ponder the upcoming holidays I am always amazed at what we actually celebrate and how we do it. Take Easter, a great reason for Christians to celebrate the Resurrection Of Christ. But then where exactly did the easter bunny come from? I think you get where I am going here. The true meanings of holidays get skewed by humans and their quirks. I, personally have always loved Thanksgiving! As a holiday, the concept seemed correct, wonderful and tasty to me. The time to spend time with family and friends and then eat like a pig and watch football. It may disappoint some of you, but feel it is a perfect concept for a holiday. Gratitude and food! Thanks and giving, the perfect reasons to celebrate! If the Detroit Lions would start winning games it might make it slightly better. Not knowing that the football game on TV is over in the first five minutes.

Holiday expectations cause people to do all kinds of things to get to the turkey dinner- fly, drive and take days off work and school (for a turkey dinner). I see the lines of people getting felt up by TSA employees to get home on the news and I am glad to be in my chair. I do feel that the pull and enjoyment of being with others is the true positive of Thanksgiving. What? A holiday focused on gratitude and family- has the government of the United States lost its mind? Take one other holiday for example. Columbus Day is surely a farce- he discovered the Island of Hispanola, known today as Haiti and the Dominican Republic. Why would we celebrate that? If Columbus truly "discovered: America- how do the thousands who were already here feel about that? The legacy of "Manifest Destiny" and the wholesale destruction of the American Indian is regrettable and still the terrible question. WHY? ARROGANCE AND RELIGION-THAT'S WHY. We all need to seek to understand history so that we do not repeat it. Ignorance is comfortable for many of us and yet the Pilgrims did no good for the indigenous peoples of the Americas. What are they thankful for? Annexation, reservations and demonization as a people? Were they savages or a civilization that had survived for centuries doing just fine on their own? Wounded knee was a massacre and yet 25 U.S. Soldiers received the Medal of Honor for killing 338 people who would not stop dancing the "ghost dance" in hope of a messiah to rescue their people. Pilgrims? Manifest destiny?

I look at the "truth" according to how I was raised and realize that we all know shades of the truth. We may be completely incorrect. The internet gives instant information and yet is it true information? I will bet that the Indians were not that happy to have the first Thanksgiving with the Pilgrims. They had everything to lose. We still portray the first holiday as a cooperative dinner- I will bet the concept is fantasy or close to it.

We should eat, we should meet and Okay- watch football. We also need a reason to make pumpkin pie once a year. I would suggest that we seek to act correctly toward all people we encounter. DO seek to know the lessons of history and DO seek to be better than previous generations. Seek to be compassionate and show gratitude. If you don't see family and friends face to face this season, get on the phone and tell people they are loved or forgiven-do not wait to be thankful for all you have. Gratitude is a good reason to celebrate even if the history that gives the backstory is fantasy! Look on any street, in any school or hospital and you can see far more difficult challenges than you face -be thankful it isn't you-today. Go Lions! Stay warm in the Target parking lot tonight- I will be asleep from my overeating!

The Ritual of October

October- my favorite month of the year! From the cool temperatures to the World Series, I love the fall. Every fall, I looked forward to the college football season and back to school, but mostly I loved to go hunting with my dad. Western mule deer hunting with Dick Cheever was a sight to see. He would load the old tent and sleeping bags and with a wry smile on his face load the truck with food and supplies. It was his time-his time to tell the old stories and get away from everything. As an adult I never have understood why he was willing to take kids with him. We could not keep quiet for one minute and there was not a chance of sleep the night before opening day.

I was a gatherer of firewood and my dad was the fire starter. He would drag a tree into the fire pit and dump white gas on the wood- in a Merlin the Wizard like move, he would toss the match and we had a flash and a roaring campfire.

After a dinner of canned chili and apples it was time for the gas pains and the stories-the never ending deer hunting stories. The one about the deer that was killed with my dad's pants around his ankles, the time he shot the huge buck and it had infection from porcupine quills and the time he prayed for the chance to shoot a buck. I remember the story about the time a mountain lion killed a doe by the tents in the night, it made me take pause after dark. Oh, and how I loved to hear about guns. The one sad tale was of the family that went hunting in the early 50's and a young man shot his brother in law through the lungs high in the thick pines. He mistook his movement for a deer. My uncle George, a well traveled WWII veteran took the dead man out on his horse. He had seen enough death and never packed a gun again.

I watched my dad drive through a creek bed after a blizzard and his red truck was spinning and made a huge splash and finally the truck was on the right side of the creek. I then knew we would not be stuck in the snowstorm- I truly felt safe with my dad.

I had the chance to take him to Colorado on a elk hunt when he was well into his 70's. He stood proudly holding his new 7mm Mag I bought him for the trip. I was honored to take him and he went along with all of the practical jokes. He always had his favorite foods with him and if he has eaten one tin of Kippered Snacks he has eaten a thousand. I am now sure that every deer in the county could smell the fish in oil when his tin lid cracked open. He did not care, he was a free man and wearing his red or orange sweatshirt and sitting on the saddle, a favorite place to lay back and glass the hillside. He was never a wealthy man but he was happy when hunting deer.

I learned at the hand of a master. I learned from a man of kindness and willingness for a youngster to take a shot first. He was willing to take family, friends and coworkers with him hunting deer. He grew a set of white whiskers and was a master with his 270- he built it and put a custom barrel on it. His brother brought the 8mm Mauser off a dead German soldier between Normandy and surrender of the Germans. It was his tool-deer hunting was his passion and like an artists brush, he used a 270 with a Swastika symbol engraved on the action.

If he was not successful he was content. As long as he saw a few or someone in the party got a deer he was good. He seemed even happier when one of his kids got a deer. I learned a great deal about my father from our October pilgrimage to Dairy Fork- our hunting spot for generations. I learned of his family, his mission and his love of God. He seldom complained and was generous and kind to those he brought hunting. We kids fought with each other and made way too much noise and he was gentle with his correction. I now sit in Las Vegas and wish I could go hunting just one more time with my father- Richard Cheever.

I will hunt many times in my life-but no more with my father. He is 83 years old and slowly losing his memory as the confusion of old age threatens his independence. He will not shoot a deer or pheasant again. I will make sure he gets out target shooting and I will throw as many clay pidgeons as he can shoot at. I do not have kids that like to hunt. I get to do that on my time. I also get to write down and focus on my October memories of the deer hunt. As the undignified loss of memory slides upon my dad I hope to be clear with my gratitude for his love, teaching and kindness every fall. He has been a gentle, simple man who lived for the fall ritual. He was funny, alive and honestly at his best- each October-on the deer hunt.

Power and How People Handle It

I recently returned from one week of testing dentists in Dallas, Texas. The oral board exam is two hours of tough questions for practicing Pediatric Dentists to become board certified. I am always amazed at the smart candidates and how many are willing to pay the price to reach the goal of board certification. The examiners are volunteers and are all successful in their profession. The thing that amazes me is how power goes to the heads of some of the examiners, who have all the answers to the exam in front of them.

When in a position to judge, we should be gentle and not assume anything about who we test. They may have English as a second or third language. They may have been in practice for twenty years or had a weak academic residency. When a blank stare follows my question I always restate the question. If they do not know I ask an easier question to assess the candidates basic knowledge of the subject. Then I move forward as the answers get clearer and stronger. I see smart people who let nerves get the best of them and some just do not show up for the test. They pay a good sum and travel far to take the exam and I am sure it is intimidating to face examiners.

I tested with man kind and gentle examiners and then I got "Bob". He asked every sharp question and cut off the interviewee in the middle of sentences. If the candidate was thinking he would immediately move on. I know I need to think and it takes time to go through the files in my brain. In fact, my brain is like an iceberg-it can only hold so many penguins. I watched Bob act so smart and "show that idiot" how much they did not prepare for the board. I was sick for the young lady who got him as an examiner. Even if she was not prepared-she deserved to be treated with respect and kindness. She was not the enemy-she was a colleague.

I have no interest in knowing Bob. He can be as smart as he wants. None of us are perfect. WHen I got home from Dallas, my power was out. There was the bill-with a check and a stamp. I called and paid by phone but the power did not come on that night. I had a flashlight and read and was hot as could be. As I laid in the dark I thought this must be what hell must be like. Dark, hot and mostly my fault. I did not want the lesson but I got it. I also found out I was not that smart.

All of us will be arrogant at times. We will all be incompetent at certain things. I am a believer that fair and kind behavior will ease our lives as well as those we come in contact with. Sarcasm and smug behavior seldom has a payoff. Compassion will always pay off in our lives. Bob can be Bob- based on my interaction he is an arrogant jackass and should not be an examiner. I would hope he will reevaluate his methods or be relieved as an examiner. When we are given power-any power we should be cautious and act as if we hold a sacred trust. Pimping a candidate is not fair or good form.

Redempton

I am a true lover of stories of where a person overcomes obstacles and self-doubt to gain success and a calm mind. I love the concept of redemption. I hope that each of you will see Russell Crowe portray James J. Braddock, in the film "Cinderella Man." A great and emotional film where he suffers badly to care for his family during the depression and nearly loses all. He finally gets his chance, a long, long chance to fight again. He comes back to win his fight against the arrogant, young German champion, Max Baer. He won against overwhelming odds- and I love this kind of story. Unless, I am the one with the odds stacked against me. At the end of the fight he wins not only for himself , but for every suffering soul. I freely let the tears flow. They flow because I love the idea of the underdog stepping up into a moment in time and exceeding the overwhelming predictions. Gaining redemption, dignity and saying goodbye to self doubt. This fight was a life changing event, an important point in a life where a loss could tip into pain, hunger or total loss of dignity.

In Great Britian the homeless are called "unfortunates" by many. In these economic times I see many unfortunates on the streets of Las Vegas. Every corner has a guy with a sign. In homes there are many people who are silently and secretly suffering. They are unfortunate with the current economy and job market. The TV commercials are almost unbearable here- dirty political ads, lawyers to handle your bankruptcy and charlatans seeking to cash in on the collective community pain. I know many who will file bankruptcy, lose homes and lose faith in themselves and others in the near future. I feel for them and of course I feel sorry for myself-times are tough.

I believe that so many suffer from depression and self doubt in these crazy times that they lose perspective. Depression is a cruel mistress and is often obvious to others and not to the sufferer. It is real and it is damaging to our souls. I know that we are here to embrace the moments of true joy in our lives. I know that pain is what allows us to understand happiness. We need balance.

Thank goodness for kind friends who seek to know and act-intervene on behalf of those in need. We all need a friend. When I see my true friends that show up for my family and seek my well being, I know I am blessed. If more people in this world could be so blessed.

If we want others to be happy- be compassionate! If we want to be happy-be compassionate! That is the advice of the Dali Lama and it must include compassion for ourselves. We must allow ourselves to make errors and be accountable for our errors. That will assist us to keep us balanced in life.

Next time you see a great success- be genuinely happy for the lucky soul. Respect their journey and effort-be a cheerleader for the positive and the good. Next time an acquaintance fails- be gentle, be genuine and show compassion. Tommy Lasorda, long time manager of the Los Angeles Dodgers stated, "80% of people do not care about your problems, the other 20% are glad that you have got them!" Find yourself in the minority-care! Embrace the success stories and forgive the failures. There is not perfection in any living person yet we are all redeemable. That concept must never, ever be forgotten.

Redemption-what a concept-what a story!

I Would Stand in Line for This

There is a song called "Extreme Ways" by Moby- it is a cool song for sure. I am constantly reminded of one stanza from the song- the statement made is " I would stand in line for this, I would stand in line for this". I love the song and think of the Jason Bourne movies when I hear it.

Once as the song played I was struck by the statement and wondered what in my life I would be willing to stand in line for? What is good enough to actually stand in line for?

In serving the people of third world countries I have seen lines of hundreds to get medical care or teeth removed. How would it be to stand in a huge line- hoping to be relieved of pain? If i was suffering- I would stand in line for relief. I think that our American culture can be selfish and oblivious to the sadness of those who suffer. There are people who wait in their Ed Hardy clothes to get into a Vegas club. They will stand in line for that! The chance to drink, dance and go home and share how cool the club scene was in Vegas. What about those who stand in line for food stamps, job interviews and health care-right here in Las Vegas? They will stand in line- because they have to stand in line.

What are the things that really matter in our lives? What would we be willing to stand in line for? What could we be forced to stand in line for? I would be honored to stand in line to catch a flight and visit my father. I would stand in line to provide service and improve the lives of others. I would stand in line to serve my great country. I would stand for many things and yet I find myself standing in line for things that I often do not need or even want. Sometimes we are forced to stand in line, other times we choose to line up and wait. Sometimes we choose things that we know will not work for us and we still line up willingly. We choose to suffer- we choose to be at peace. May we truly ponder the things we desire and value. If we find ourselves placing extra effort for something that does not serve us or others, we may want to step out of line or re-focus our vision. Maybe being "out of line " is actually better than standing in line for foolish pursuits. Ask yourself.........What would I stand in line for this and WHY?

Colombia

I recently had the opportunity to spend two weeks in Colombia as a guest of the Colombian Army to complete a humanitarian health project. I was assigned to a Medical unit from Vancouver, WA and they were a joy to be with. My army career has taken me to some cool places and Colombia did not disappoint. My brother Scott was able to be the other dentist on the trip and I could not have been more pleased. Having a brother that is close and shares common ideas and interests is a true gift. The kind of relationship that I wish all could experience.

Bogota is the capital of Colombia and I was entering South America for the first time, a slight bit anxious and ready for adventure. Many people had told me before I left to watch out for bandits and drugs. For me, I have always felt that life begins at the edge of my comfort zone. I was amazed by the beauty of the country-simply stunned! The green, the sheer biomass is intense and the flowers are beautiful. I have been around the world and have few times been anywhere as beautiful.

Then came the people- lines and lines of people responding to radio advertising of medical and dental care by US doctors and dentists. They were gracious and pleasant. I feel that dentistry is much more fun when dollars don't complicate matters. Serving the people of Pasca and Arbellaez was a pure joy. We saw some sad things and most of the teeth that were removed were just roots or broken fragments of crowns. Nobody kept a perfect count but several hundred teeth were removed and the people were treated with love and respect. Lovingkindness crosses language barriers. Smiles and compliments to their beautiful country were shared with every person. There is no better way to vacation than serving people-they are the prize!

We had excellent interpreters and they made our job easier and thanks to them we had fresh baked goods every morning. Diego Aguirre and Nicholas made nine days of fast paced dental treatment go smoothly. My assistant SSG Mike Ball could not have been better at his job. Cool, mature and he had all the women swooning at his Clooney-esque, dreamy blue eyes.

At the end of the mission I was very tired and very satisfied. The people, the villages, the food and the beautiful children were stuck indelibly in my mind. I left nothing back and worked as hard and smart as I could. The mission was a huge success and thanks to great leadership of Captain Wheatley and 1SG Dyer and a number of others. We got to Bogota and got to our hotel- oh a hot shower! Meals and a tour of Monserrat and off to the airport for home.

My impressions: beautiful land, people who have known pain and civil war and a country I would love to visit again. No word of drugs, cartels or other stereotypical ideas about Colombia. I took a ton of photos and many people as they said goodbye stated "don't forget us." I definitely will not forget the people or the land. From a dental standpoint it seems as if for some there, teeth represent 32 opportunities for pain, tooth removal and humiliation. Most humans want to look good and attractive. Having large gaps or no teeth is a part of rural Colombian life. It makes me think twice when I see the spoiled 12 year old that wants bleached teeth or braces.

Life is simple in Pasca-a village with a rough road to get in and a beautiful church in the square. It is exciting to travel and see how much people love God and make beautiful places to worship in humble circumstances. I saw the sun shining on the angel on the cathedral and got a beautiful picture of it. It will hang in my home as long as I live. I am no angel, but I met several in a stunning country called Colombia. The people again were beautiful, humble and gracious-the true prize. I was the person who was most rewarded!

The Prize

I am satisfied that I continue to gain understanding in my life. At times a simple truth slides into my consciousness and I recognize it and other times truth drops onto my head like an anvil. One of those lessons struck the core of my soul and I must share it with you.

I was concerned when a boy named Ryan walked into my office door with tears in his eyes and he would not make eye contact with me-even at his eye level. I was dentist number six and he still had teeth that hurt and a permanent molar that was abscessed. He had insurance and two hard working parents present with him in the clinic-nice people who wanted a solution to Ryan's growing dental problems. I know many sit in judgement and say, why didn't they brush his teeth? I do not want to ever assume that a situation that is already bad will be made better by harsh judgement. I know a kind and logical solution is needed and work days off shopping for dental care is not the solution to a family's financial challenges.

We talked and I weighed him, 74 pounds of handsome redhead- nine years old, wanting his dignity and as little pain as possible. Forty five minutes later he was ready to work, chatting and very relaxed from the oral sedative medicines I gave him. Nitrous Oxide on his nose and a pulse oximeter on his finger, he was quiet. He had his mother and father present with him and they watched closely. Injections went in and I started with the biggest problems first- my goal was to relieve the pain.

Just under one hour later he stood up and said "that wasn't that hard at all!" I gave him toys and his parents prescriptions and they walked out the door. All work done and two special tickets for them and a hug from Ryan.

During the sedation the father brought up the economy and not being able to attend the Monster Truck World Championships 2010-three days later. I had two tickets, 3rd row given to me by Dr Moxley. I offered them and he gladly took them. I felt good that there would be no need for dentist number seven. They found someone who could take a look and change a young boy's suffering.

I had invited my little friend Sonny De Crosta and he brought a friend. I also brought Cory, Blake and Bob. We arrived and I was lucky enough to sit by Ryan and his cousin. Dad decided if all kids in the family could not go he would send Ryan with his cousin. His parents must have put a nickel in him before the show. This little boy was non-stop talk, he knew all the trucks, filled me with information and showed me his silver teeth- he felt better and I was at total peace.

The monster trucks were amazing and I have never known what I was missing. I gave those boys dozens of high fives and was hoarse from yelling. I saw smiles, I passed kindness from Dr Moxley down to others and I am positive I got the most out of it. Yes, I took a risk inviting someone who had such an intense appointment at my office. What if the boy would not speak to me? Sonny and Ryan could not hide the smiles and my risk paid off. I left satisfied and knowing I had done the right thing.

In Iraq, when the Marines replaced the Army in the city of Fallujah, the incoming Marines were briefed by Major General James Mattis, an Infantryman, a well educated stud of a marine.. He stated that insurgents are the enemy, not the Iraqi people. Then he stated "THE PEOPLE ARE THE PRIZE!" I read every day and this statement hit me hard and stopped me. I took off my glasses and wrote it down. I have thought about it but have not found the correct words to describe how I felt. I will hunt no longer The Prize- I understand! It was the day after the monster trucks when I read this statement, the timing was perfect. The people are the prize!

From a fearful child with nervous parents, to a generous gift of tickets that I did not quite know how I would use them. To seeing huge smiles and having no voice from all of the fun. I was blown away what mindful sharing and caring could do. I was blessed and looked down the row at boys who deserved good things to happen. I thank God for my job and for knowing first hand what it means to be the recipient of unseen blessings.

Today, Monday-8:00 am- My patient named Guierrmo was 30 minutes early and I barely got the lights on and they were in the door. Spanish speakers and profound developmental disability in their son, aged 24. In the past it might have been an annoyance-no time to read the news. Not today- Guierrmo was the important visitor, his parents sought kindness. They found it, they found it today! I will gladly solve his dental needs. He was the prize that hour- he is Guierrmo, noble son of noble parents. I know that perfection exists, I saw it in his gaze, a perfect soul in a body that is not 100% perfect. I know his parents know true love and service. If not now - when? If not me -who? Who will serve, who will stop the arrogance and judgement? Mindful living must stay in my soul for me to be content. Who is my competition? Nobody! What does more stuff mean? I am tired of designer jeans and fake looks-I want to know how people feel. I want to know how you feel-how you feel. I am not beyond redemption and I know most humans have significant value. I think education and degrees make some of us "suffer" from a superiority complex. I want to be a worker, a craftsman and gentle servant. The checks are needed, the dental is fun- THE PEOPLE ARE THE PRIZE! Relationships can live on and who knows how influence will grow. Try it-find your prizes.

Gratitude and How Fast We Forget

I clearly understand that physical activity and adrenaline are wonderful for keeping a clear head. For months and months, I had missed the endorphins of skiing a steep mountain and riding a dirt bike like my hair is on fire. I am so honored that my brother noticed my need to get out of my house and office more often. My brother took me to Mammoth Ski Area. Scott had rough "sierra cement" and not a ton of fun on his snowboard, while I skied for the first time since 2007. I had a blast and my legs are making a note of the stress of being older. The key point I wish to make is this: Gratitude is the key to abundant living and healthy relationships. One word, Gratitude, can make our lives better in most ways. He recognized my need and I recognize my need to be gracious.

For example , I teach at a dental school and have written many letters of recommendation for students. People will follow you, hound you, shadow you and make endless phone calls for a letter of support. I am stunned at the number of people who when they get what they want, do not even consider saying or e-mailing a note of thanks. They could call and say where they got in for dental education. They could punch a one line e-mail sharing the results- 0 for 7 this year, they all got in. I would love to know which residency I put my name and reputation on the line for. I would love to know which of my colleagues will live with entitled students who act as if they are owed something. Background and religion might have a role with teaching of gratitude. They appear to matter not to the hungry students. I pray I was not a jerk. I once heard a definition of the word fanatic- "a person who doubles their speed, when they do not know where they are going". To be dentist is a blessing, I love my job and the kids I care for daily. I know who is average and who is great in my world. I assure all of you that arrogance and entitlement are not great defining characteristics for a pediatric dentist or most people. I am beyond the "how it looks" stage- I care how it feels! I care how I feel and others as well. I seek humility, grace and gratitude in my life. Maybe that is wisdom or age talking.

To my students, I won't call you out for how I feel. I assure you that life, children,arrogance, entitlement, pain and defeat will teach you humility Can you seek out gratitude? I called my brother tonight and told him how much I appreciated his kindness and foresight. I will forever smile at the memories from the trip and seek to make a difference for him soon. Oh, and the letters. I will write more next year.

2010

As 2010 is now here I am thankful for simply being here and having such good friends and family. I spent quiet holiday season,glad to see 2009 go. My kids came to Las Vegas for a while and we had a great time. I think the world of my Brian and Amy! Then it was back to work and on with life, continuing the daily work schedule. I find that life is a few joys and a few disappointments with the majority of time just being- neither happy or sad. I also know that work is good for our souls and a great method to stay focused in our lives.

When the earth shook in Haiti three days ago, I was glued to the television. I have been on the other side of the island in the Dominican Republic, but not Haiti. I loved my time in DR and get to have some more in the near future. I enjoy the idea of service and caring for people when dollars do not matter. On humanitarian missions whether Army sponsored or private we can give and smile and be authentic to those who are less fortunate. I often feel like I get more from giving the service than those who I give dental care to. I love the whole idea of service to others and yet in the U.S. charity or giving of ourselves often confuses relationships or brings imbalance to a friendship. I have more than once fixed a tooth and said "no charge" and it was harder than just accepting payment. Pride is a funny thing- how can we let someone do something kind for us and just be gracious in a simple fashion. Instead we can get stuck in expectation and the thought of payback. Then we lose the whole idea of generosity or kindness.

Gratitude is the key to abundant life. Say thank you often and thank God that you are warm and fed. I see the news in Haiti and the reporters speak of 100,000 dead. Who knows how many people are suffering a demise from illness or infection, people who matter and seek love and comfort in their lives. Think of the psychological and social losses. I only need to look in my mirror to see a blessed man.

I believe our challenges include never giving up. Lance Armstrong stated, " Pain is temporary, quitting is forever!" I feel strongly that we as human beings need to stop our own judgement and hatred. We need to be loving and tolerant of others views and choices. We should pray for those who suffer. I cannot imagine the suffering and sadness in Haiti today. Look at your life, look at your kids, and thank God that it is not you, trapped, suffering or missing.

Happy 2010- make it a year of gratitude and kindness. It is truly a blessing living with abundance and comfort.